Rylan and Kaylee

(This is a fairytale i  wrote a few years ago)

Rylan loved her with all of his heart, and he knew she loved him just as much. However their love was forbidden for Kaylee was princess and he was just a common man. So nothing was simple for them from the start. Rylan knew the first time that he laid eyes on Kaylee that she was the girl for him. However when he first saw her he didn't know that she was a princess.

 

A few years earlier

           

            "Excuse ma'am, but I haven't seen you round these parts before. Are you from out of town?" Rylan asked daringly. For he wouldn't normally walk up to some random girl at market

            Kaylee wearing simple cloths so that she may blend in with the towns people answered, "Well, actually I am from out of town. I'm here visiting family," she decided if he didn't know who she was now then he wasn't going to figure it out. Plus she thought he was kind of cute.

            "Well then let me give you a tour, I know all know where everything is in this town,"

            Kaylee looked around, and seeing the guards have noticed she was missing, quickly looked back at the man and asked, "Do you know a place that no one will be able to find us?"

            Thinking that this beautiful lady just wanted to be alone with him Rylan replied, "Of course follow me." as he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of sight.

            As she ran behind this strange man she wondered if this might have been a huge mistake. What if this man knew who she was and was just trying to get her alone with him so he could take advantage of her? Isn't that what everyone warned her of when she talked about leaving the gates of the castle? She didn't know where she was. All she knew what they had left the market places and were now surrounded by trees. So there was no way she could turn back without getting lost

            The man's running started to slow down to a walk, then he stopped, let go of her hand, and turned to look at her. After he had time to catch his breath he said, "Names Rylan, case you wondered,"

            She smiled, when he stuck his hand out, feeling much safer now that she knew his name. She took his hand and replied, "My name is Kay…Kayla,"

            "Kayla, very nice to meet you," then he turned and kept walking

            "Where are you going?" Kaylee yelled

            "You wanna to go somewhere private right?"

            "I wanted to get away. My um, family was looking for me,"

            "I know what that's like. My family is always looking for me with more work to do. This," he said as he pulled leaves away revealing a door, "is where I go when I just wanna get away," He opened the door which lead to what looked like what was left of an old house, and stepped in. Still feeling a little nervous she followed.

            "Where are we?" Kaylee asked looking around.

            "Some old run-down house," Rylan replied. "Found it one day, been my hide out ever since. Not sure why I brought you here. Guess you needed this place more than me,"

           

            Over the years the hide out turned into a meeting place. Things went great for a year or so, until Rylan learned who "Kayla" really was.

 

            "You're the princess! And you never told me," Rylan yelled in their hide out after seeing her with the king and queen earlier that day.

            "I didn't think it was to important," Kaylee said sheepishly

            "Not important? You're fuckin' royalty, and you don't see how it is important!"

            "Well how on earth would you have liked me to tell you? It’s not like I sneak out of the castle and tell everyone around that I am the princess!" Kaylee yelled back

            "I think I had the right to know!"

            "And just how well do you think you'd take it? Probably not any better then you are now!"

            "You should have told me. I have the right to know who I've been falling in love with," he said turning away from her.

            Kaylee's facial expression instantly changed, "You're in love with me?" she asked.

            "Well how the hell couldn't I be? You're amazing. I don't know anyone else like you," Rylan said calming down. He looked at her beautiful big brown eyes, which seemed to be filled with tears, though none have fallen. He studied her face, a face he has seen almost every day for a year, yet he felt as if he didn't really know this girl he looked at anymore. "Now I feel like I don't know you anymore," he said as he turned away from her again, so that she wouldn't see him trying to stop himself from crying. He knows that because she was the princess there was no way that they could really be together. No matter how much he loved her, he couldn't have her.

            Kaylee also knew this. She knew this all a long but didn't want it to be true. "I love you too, Rylan," she said tears started to fall down her cheek; she reached her hand up to wipe them away.

            "I'm not giving up, there has to be some way," Rylan said almost in a whisper.

            Kaylee slowly made her way over to Rylan and faced him. She looked into his green eyes and he looked back. She saw the hurt and pain she was causing him. She closed her eyes and kissed him like she would never get the chance to kiss him again. Then she turned and started making her way out. Then when Rylan thought she was gone from his life forever she turned back and said, "Same time tomorrow?" all Rylan could do was nod.

 

           

            As days, months and years went by, Kaylee and Rylan kept seeing each other in private, and kept falling more and more in love with each other. They both kept trying to come up with a way that they could really be together and finally decided that once Rylan had enough money saved up Kaylee would run away from the castle and the life of a princess. They would start a new life together in a different town and live happily ever after. However it wasn’t that simple.

 

           

            "What do you mean I am getting married??" Kaylee screamed one day when her parents told her about their plans

            "Your are at that age, now we have been searching all over the land and have narrowed it down to three lovely princes who would love to take your hand in marriage," her father the king replied

            "Three? You mean you don't even know who I will be marrying yet and you are already setting dates and planning the wedding?" Kaylee screamed through her tears

            "Now, now calm down dear we couldn't just decide who would be the one to marry you. After all, not just any man could marry our daughter. So we gave them all three tasks. Whoever completes the tasks and gets back to us first is the winner," her mother said calmly not understanding why her daughter is so upset. She thought Kaylee would be excited to learn that she was going to be getting married.

            "So, what, I'm just some stupid prize who has no say in the matter," She turned away from her parents knowing that no matter what she said she was going to marry whoever won. This is how things were. "I don't even know these men," she whispered all she could think about what how Rylan would take this.

 

           

            "No! No fuckin' way will I let some other guy marry you!" Rylan screamed.

            "I don't think we have much of a choice Rylan," Kaylee cried.

            "There has to be a way! Kaylee, I can't live without you, don't you understand? We can't give up!" Rylan screamed as he cried.

            Kaylee couldn't answer him, she was crying to hard. She turned and slowly started to walk away but Rylan ran over to her and held her in his arms. He wasn't going to ever let her get away from him.

 

           

            As the days went on the winner and groom was reviled. His name was Chase. When Kaylee first met him she thought he was a good-looking man. However no one compared to her true love Rylan. He seemed nice when she was first with him with both of their parents around. However when they were given time alone to get to know each other it was as if a monster came out of him.

            "So, I guess we should get to know each other since we will be getting married in a few days," Kaylee said hoping that Rylan had come up with a way to get out of this whole mess

            "I don't give a shit about you. All I care about it the money and the power I will have once we are married. Then once I get rid of you, no one will be in my way of having control over the whole kingdom!" Chase replied angrily

            This answer was a surprise to Kaylee, but she didn't let it show. "And as if my parents will allow you to marry me once they know that. They would prefer a common man over you,"

            Chase hated the fact this stupid girl thinks she has the right to insult him so. He walked over to her angrier then before and grabbed her by the neck with one hand pulling her out of her seat and smacked her across the face with the other. "Don't you ever think of insulting me again you stupid bitch!" Chase let go of her and she feel to her chair. "Your parents aren't going to find out about me anyway. Would you like to know why?" Chase asked. Kaylee, being in too much shock by the attack to answer, just sat there. "Because if you even so much think about running to mommy and daddy, or any one about this," he paused then said "I'll kill that stupid common man you've been seeing." Then he started to turn away from her and said, "And don't you even think about going to see that low life again." Then he walked off and smiled at Kaylee's parents as he passed them.

            Kaylee didn't know what to do; she knew that if she went to see Rylan Chase would surely kill him. She knew in her heart this meant that she had to stay away from Rylan in order to save him. Slowly she got up; she was able to keep it together until she got to her room. Then her heart broke, the tears fell from her eyes like the rain pouring from the sky. She knew Rylan would be heart broken when she didn't show up tonight. However she would rather hurt him then cause his death.

 

 

            That night Rylan sat up waiting for Kaylee all night. She never showed up. He knew that Kaylee was meeting the prince that would be marrying her in a few days. He then instantly thought that Kaylee had given up, that she was going to just settle down with this new prince and live happily ever after. He didn't understand. He knew Kaylee loved him, and would never want to hurt him. So he decided that she didn't have a chance to get away, with all the excitement and all going on at the castle. After all, there was going to be a wedding in a few days

 

                        Kaylee tried to get her parents to see what kind of man Chase really was. She tried to let them know what his plans were for the castle. She tried to show them that once they were married he was going to take over the castle and then kill her so he would have complete control. However all her hints went unnoticed, to everyone but Chase.

           

 

            When Kaylee didn't come the day before her wedding, Rylan knew something was wrong. She wouldn't just get married without saying to good-bye to him. He knew he had to do something. So, he decided that the night after her wedding he would sneak up into her room of the castle and say his final good-bye to her. Quickly he wrote her a note, and told her his plans. Then quietly he snuck into her room and left the note on her pillow.

            However Kaylee wasn't the one who got the note. Chase sat down and quickly read the note. After he read it he figured that Kaylee was still seeing Rylan and that he would have to end this once and for all. He quickly made the plans to kill them both the night after his wedding

 

            The wedding went smoothly. The only thing the queen saw that was weird was that her daughter was crying. The king insured her they were tears of joy, and that she shouldn't worry for they have found a nice young man to marry their daughter.

            That night Rylan was getting ready to sneak into Kaylee's room. He hoped she had done what he asked and would be able to get Chase out of her room at 8 o'clock tonight. However, he knew if he looked in the window and saw him there that Kaylee was saying he didn't want to be around him anymore.

            At the same time Rylan was getting ready for his plan, Chase was getting ready for his. He decided to make it look as if Rylan killed Kaylee out of jealousy. He would make it clear that Rylan and Kaylee have been secretly in love for a long time, and Rylan just couldn't allow Kaylee to be happy with another man. Then, after Rylan realized what he did to her he would take his own life leaving it all behind in a note. It was the perfect plan. He would be rid of that annoying lowlife and have the kingdom to himself.

            Kaylee, having no idea what was going on, was heartbroken and just wanted to get to bed and be alone. So a little before 8 she went to her bedroom, threw herself on her bed, and cried. A few minutes later she heard a knock at her window. She slowly walked over and looked out only to see Rylan's face staring back at her. She quickly opened the window and let him in.

            Giving him a huge hug she cried, "I thought I'd never see you again!"

            Pulling her away Rylan looked in to her eyes and knew that something was wrong. He kissed her trying to take the pain she was feeling away. "I love you Kaylee, but you have to tell me what is going on. Why didn't you come to see me?"

            Before Kaylee had the chance to open her mouth the answer came. "Because if she did she knew I would kill you," Chase answered

            Startled Kaylee spun around to look Chase in the eye and replied, "Don't you know it is very rude to walk into a lady's room without knocking firsts,"

            "This is no lady's room, this is the room of a whore!" Chase snapped.

Angered Rylan ran at him and tackled him to the floor, "Don't ever insult Kaylee like that!" Rylan screamed.

            "You cannot ask me to lie," smirked Chase throwing Rylan off of him. Then he reached in his pocket for the gun he was carrying. However it wasn't there. He quickly turned to the spot where he was on the floor only to see Kaylee standing there with the gun pointed at him.

            "Get away from him Chase!" Kaylee screamed.

            "Now, Kaylee you don't want to wake the whole castle. What will they think when they find you dead in here with this lowlife beside you. And when they find this," he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out the note he wrote stating why Rylan killed himself, "they will know everything; do you really want to make this any worse?"  Chase ran at Kaylee. He put his hands around her neck and started to block any air from going to her lungs.

            "Let go of her!" Rylan screamed as he jumped and managed to pull Chase off of Kaylee. Chase and Rylan both saw the gun on the floor. They both went for it but Chase was faster. He picked up the gun and pointed it at Kaylee.

            "I've had it with you," he smirked then he pulled the trigger. Without thinking Rylan jump in from of Kaylee just in time for the bullet to hit him instead. Kaylee screamed and fell to the floor beside Rylan. As Chase pointed the gun at Kaylee, "Any last words?" he asked

            "Yes, drop the gun," The voice came from behind Chase; he quickly turned to see the king and many guards standing behind him. "Take this man away!'" shouted the king,

"He has no right to be with my daughter!" Then the King turned and saw Rylan on the floor. "You!" he said to a guard standing nearby "get a doctor in here now!" Smiling, he quickly added, "This is the kind of man who deserves to be married to my daughter. The kind that would give his life so she could live,"

 

            As the days went one Rylan slowly got better, and the plans were soon made for Rylan, a simple common man, to marry Kaylee, a beautiful princess, and this time they really would live happily ever after.

Lizabeth Ann Falls

My name is Lizabeth Ann Falls and yesterday I turned 11. It is early in the morning the day after my birthday. On this very strange morning it was too quiet. In the living room my mom is sitting on the far armchair where she has been sitting since a little after three. In her hand she was holding something I couldn’t make out. Her blonde hair which is normally pulled up in a perfect bun is hanging in a mess at her shoulders. Her eyes which are the perfect shade of dark blue are staring at something that is lying on the floor in between the sofa and the coffee table. She would normally have the perfect make up to go with her perfect eyes but now she had dried mascara smeared down her cheeks and dark circles under her eyes from the night before.

            She only looked up from the object when she heard the back door open and slam close. She watched as my dad walked into the room. His white t-shirt now covered in dirt and sweat. In his right hand he held a shovel. His brown eyes traveled from my mom to the object on the floor. He ran his free hand through his short brown hair. As he did this you could see the dirt that had settled there fly off. My mom’s eyes followed my dad’s.

            “It’s ready,” my dad said finally breaking the silence that has filled the air since three o’clock that morning. My mom still looking at the object on the floor simply nodded. “Sun’s coming up. We gotta do this now, or we’ll never get it done.”

            My mom’s eyes traveled to the shovel in my dad’s hands wondering what kind of damage he could do with it. Her eyes then to the phone sitting on the side table next to him. Figuring she would never be able to reach it without him stopping her she said “Fine,” As she stood up she watched as he leaned the shovel against the wall next to the phone. Since he put down the only weapon he had she again wondered if she could reach the phone yet knowing all along it was impossible. She knew my dad was a football player in high school and knew he could take her down if she tried anything. “This isn’t right. She’s only a little girl,” my mom whispered hoping he wouldn’t hear her and wondering what he would do to her if he did.

***

            The day of my birthday started out like any other day. My dad was already at work at the factory, which means my mom had gone back to bed for a little before she had to  go back to the restaurant to work another shift. My mom normally worked the evening shift so that she was home to make the house clean. However today she was working in the morning so she would be home later on to get ready for my birthday party that evening.  So I was left alone to get myself ready in time to catch the bus for school. This was pretty much how every day in my life started. The mornings were always my favorite part of the day. I didn’t have to deal with the yelling and shouting that happens the rest of the day when my dad was home.

            After getting myself dressed in a simple white t-shirt and a pair of light jeans which. I walked over to the mirror to do my hair.  knew I would have to change out of my outfit for the party. I knew the only reason this party was planned was to make my family look as normal as possible. My family had a lot of problems and a few people who would see the bruises knew that. So they throw this party every year as a way to show everyone that we were normal. Most of the presents ended up getting returned for money my parents needed to pay off their bills and I just got whatever was left. However it’s still my favorite time of the year. My favorite thing of all is the wish I get to make when I blow out the candles each year. When I was younger I use to always wish that my dad would finally stop drinking and beating my mom. However as I got older I realized that this was never going to change so my wish began to change. First I started wishing for toys like any normal little kid would want. However right before I turned nine my grandma took my mom and me to church and ever since then I always wished that I could be an angel. That has been my wish ever since.

            I looked in the mirror as I started to braid my curly blonde hair, this is how I always wear my hair, in one single braid in the back of my head, Since some of my hair is to short to be pulled back in the braid I always have a few curly lose strands hanging by my ears. My mom hates that and is always trying to pin them back because she wants everything to be perfect. My mom always wants everything to be perfect. It’s her way of hiding how messed up our life is. However no matter how hard she tries they always get lose again. My eyes were the same color as my mom’s too, but unlike my mom I do not wear makeup. My dad won’t allow it. He says I am still a little girl and I shouldn’t be in a hurry to grow up.

            Once I was dressed and ready I walked out of my room, and to the kitchen to make myself breakfast before heading out to the catch bus. Whenever I walk through my house in the morning I always try my best to be as quiet as possible because I knew how hard my mom works, and I didn’t want to wake her up from the few hours of sleep she got. However it normally doesn’t matter how quiet I am when I walk by her room she always wakes up.

             My mom is always on the edge when she is trying to catch a few extra hours of sleep. She is always afraid that my dad might come home and see that she is sleeping. Which is something he would not allow. “Izzy, is that you” my mom called as she looked up from under the blankets Izzy is my nickname everyone but my dad calls me it.

            When my mom saw me she just laid her head back down. I don’t talk much anymore. When I was younger I talked all the time it always upset my dad. As I got older I just stopped talking. This way my dad doesn’t get upset and I don’t spill any of out family secrets

            I stand there and wait to see if my mom to say anything more, but when she didn’t for a while I figure she went back to sleep. So I turned and started to walk to the stairs. That’s when I heard it “Happy birthday Izzy,” my mom said is such a whisper that I almost missed it. This was the first sign that today wasn’t going to be just a normal day. I just simply smiled and kept walking. I knew if I stayed much longer I wouldn’t have time to pack my lunch and would end up going with out lunch today. I never get money to buy lunch so if I don’t pack I go hungry.

            When I got to school I was greeted with a few happy birthdays from my classmates. I don’t really have any  friends at school. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to them much about myself and I wouldn’t be able to do anything with them so I pretty much just kept to myself. Also my family moves a lot so it makes it easier then when we have to move. My classmates are the kids my parents invited to the party. So I knew all the people who are saying happy birthday to me only know about it because of the. So I just smiled at them and kept walking until I got to my seat. There are 24 students in my class it’s about even between the boys and girls. My seat is in the back which makes keeping to myself even easier.

            I kept thinking about what my mom had said to me that morning. My mom and Dad never wished me happy birthday. I know they didn’t want to have me. My mom ended up dropping out of high school because of me. I know she wonders what her life would be like if she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant so young. I know my mom loves me, but I also know she thinks life about how life would have been without me. As for my dad, he never wanted me. I remember late at night when my parents would fight my dad would sometimes say “You should have killed her when you had the chance. Now I’m stuck with you and that kid for the rest of this damn life.” Soon after that I would hear the sound of his hand going across my moms face, or maybe the sound of her crashing into something because he pushed her. My dad played football star in high school and had always wanted to see if he could go pro. However because of the pregnancy he had to get a job as soon as he got out of high school, and football wasn’t an option. A few weeks after my mom gave birth my parents got married. My mom thought she loved my dad and that he was the perfect man. As the years went by, and my dad started drinking my mom realized my dad wasn’t perfect after all.

            Right before lunch my teacher, Miss Acts said, “Okay class before we go to lunch you are going to pick your partners with whom you are going to be working with on the science project with,”

            Great, I thought. No one ever wants to work with me and I’m normally left either working by myself or working with whoever was left.

            “Hey, Izzy, um would you like to work with me?” asked the girl who sits a few rows up from me. It was very strange I actually took a second to look behind me and make sure she was really talking to me. When I  realized she was talking to me I simply smiled and nodded. “My name’s Katie in case you couldn’t remember,” she said smiling. She continued talking to me all the way to lunch. She did all of the talking I would smile a lot and even laugh. Then  to top off this strange morning she sat with me at lunch just like a real friend would. It was at that point I had the feeling that this day would be the day the changes my life forever.

            When I got home from school that day my dad’s truck was already in the drive way. It surprised me and scared me even though I knew he would be coming home early to help get ready for my birthday party. By help I mean make sure my mom and I are doing what we are suppose to.

            When I got to the front door I could already hear my dad yelling. “Are you stupid!? This is suppose to be clean!? You stupid bitch! Just get thus fuckin house cleaned!” then came the same old smacking sound. Each time I hear that sound it still makes me jump. I was hoping I would be able to sneak upstairs, and change into the white dress my dad had gotten for me to wear today but as soon as I opened the door his attention was on me. “What the hell are you wearing!?” he screamed. He walked over to me grabbed me by my arm and started pulling me toward the stairs. “Get your ass upstairs and change into that dress. NOW!”

            As soon as he let go I went up stairs to my room as fast as I was allowed. My dad hates when people run in his house. When I got to my room I closed the door and was quickly in the white dress. I looked down at my arm which was still red from where my dad grabbed me. I covered that part of my arm with my hand and prayed that it wouldn’t bruise. That’s when I heard my dad yelling my name again. “Lizabeth Ann get down here!” I quickly left my room and went down stairs. When my dad saw me he said, “Stacey! Take your kid and do something with that mess she calls hair! Then get your ass to the kitchen and stay there. People will be here soon!” My mom then gently took my hand and we rushed up stairs.

            When we got to my room I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my face. “Aww, come on now, Izzy, it’ll  be ok. You know your dad gets worse this time of year,” my mom said as she wiped the tears away. It was true my dad always got worse on my birthday, or as he calls it the worse day of he’s life because the day I was born was they day his life was ruined forever. It’s hard on me, but I try not to let it ruin the only day I look forward to.  My mom then turn me toward the mirror and started to work on pinning my hair having trouble as always. Soon after we heard the door bell ring. With out saying a word my mom gave me a quick hug and ran off to the kitchen where she would stay the rest of the night due to the bruises on her face. Once she was gone I wait for my cue from my dad.

            A few minutes later I got it “Lizabeth, your friends are here for your party you should come down now,” my dad called in a sweet fatherly voice from the bottom of the stairs. In my house you never do anything unless my dad told you to. So at that I left my room and slowly walked down the stairs to greet my classmates all along thinking about my wish I would make when I blew out the candles.

            The party, I thought, went pretty well. Once everyone left my dad told me to go upstairs to my room. As soon as I closed my door the yelling started. My parents were arguing about the night and how everything went. My dad didn’t think the cake was good enough and everyone was looking at the dirt that she missed in the corner. Then came the smacking sound, and a thud. My dad had pushed my mom. Following the thud was a scream and I soon heard someone running through the house. I knew something was really wrong because my dad doesn’t allow running. Next I heard the sound of cabinets being opened and closed. My mom was looking for something. This wasn’t their normally fighting and I really started to get scared so I turned to the only thing I could trust. I sat down on my floor with the lights still turned off crossed my legs and bowed my head and prayed. I prayed that God would keep my mom and me safe. I prayed that God would come and finally take me and mom from this hell and take us somewhere that we will be safe and away from my dad.

            There was more screaming from down stairs this time it was my mom. She had found what she was looking for. Then I heard my dad laugh. My mom was in trouble and I had to do something. I quickly finished my prayer and asked God for strength. Then I  ran downstairs and found my mom and dad. My mom was closest to me standing in front of the far armchair holding the gun my dad kept hidden in the cabinet in the living room. My dad stood on the other side of the coffee table. When he saw me and smiled “come here Izzy,” he said. This really made me scared my dad never called me Izzy. “NOW!” I started to slowly walk over to my dad. My mom looked at me and I could see the tears running down her face along with her perfect makeup she had put on earlier that night. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 3 in the morning. When I reached my dad I was standing in between the coffee table and the sofa. “Now, Stacey, are you sure you wanna do that. With your daughter standing right here right in front of me. And how good is your aim are you sure you’ll hit me or maybe you’ll miss and it will hit her,” as my dad spoke he slowly made his way over to my mom. My mom was shaking but she kept her eyes on me. “But then again maybe that is what you want. You have always wondered what your life would be like with out her,”

            “No,” was all my mom could get out between the tears.

            Before she knew it my dad was in front of her. “give me the gun Stacey,” my mom hesitated and my dad went for the gun.

             My mom was to much in a daze to realized what he was doing, her eyes still on me. I knew what would happen if my dad got a hold of that gun. One or both of us would be dead. “mommy,” was all I said. This got her attention and she looked at my dad. They fought over the gun for a little then a shot was fired at exactly 3 am.

             “This isn’t right. She is only a little girl,” my mom whispered about three hours later. My dad had walked over to the object on the floor. Getting ready to pick it up and then get rid of it. It was at this point my mom realized she still had the gun in her hand. She knew she had to act fast or my dad would figure out what she was planning on doing. My mom quickly raised the gun just as my dad looked up.

***

            My name is Lizabeth Ann Falls and yesterday I turned 11. Yesterday I made my first friend. Yesterday I wished to become an angel and yesterday I prayed to God. Today, the day after my 11^th birthday at 3 in the morning I was shot accidentally by my mom who was fighting with my dad for the gun she was going to use for protection. The trigger was accidentally pulled in the fight and the bullet went right through my head killing me instantly. About three hours after my death my mom died, but not before she called the police and let them know what happened. She told them she accidentally shot me in a fight to save us both from my dad. She said that my dad was just going to burry me in the backyard and then just pick up and leave. She also told them she had then shot him in his leg and had managed to get to the phone but wasn’t sure how much longer she would be safe. Soon after she said this the line went dead. When the police finally got to my house the first thing they saw was my body laying in between the coffee table and the sofa. Next they saw my mom’s body laying next to the phone. My dad was no where to be found. The police did find a trail of blood leading from by my body to the backyard. Since they knew my dad had been shot in the leg they knew he couldn’t have gotten far.

            When they got to the backyard they found the hole that my dad had spent almost three hours digging. The hole where he had planned on just throwing my body in. The police started searching for my dad right away. They didn’t find him that day. They didn’t even find him that week. Who knows if they will ever find him. Mommy says that isn’t what is important now. She says what is important is that God finally took us away from the monster and that we could finally be a happy family. She also says that my wish of being an angel has finally come true. I wonder sometimes if they’ll find my dad and make him pay for all that he did to me and my mom over the past years. However I think with the help of a certain angel they won’t have to much trouble

My Story

 (This story is based on true events. Names were changed to protect the actual people. This is still the first draft and needs edited i know. but let me know what you think of it so far)

Love. It seems to be what everyone wants. In one way or another we are all searching for it. In our friendship, our families and in a soul mate. Sometimes we find it and lose it. Sometimes we think we found it but realize it wasn’t. Other times we come so close to it, to love, only to have it taken away, which makes me question why we continue to search for it. Why do we continue to search for something that is so uncertain? Why do we continue to search for something that seems to be so easily lost, so easily thrown aside, or so easily forgotten? Maybe it because we think it is what makes us happy. Maybe we need the love from someone else to feel happy, to feel like we are important, needed even. And if that is the case what about loving ourselves? Why is no one searching for that love? If love from another person can make someone feel happy, important, and needed what can a love for oneself do? Shouldn’t loving yourself be more important than the love from someone else? Or are they both equally important? Can a person go through live loving themselves but never receive love from another person? Or can a person go through life never loving themselves and get love from others? I’ve heard it said that you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself but is that the truth? Because if it is then have I ever truly loved anyone or I have I just been searching for a way to feel happy, important, needed. Have I ever truly loved myself? But then comes the question everyone wonders – what does loving someone actually mean? Someone said that loving someone means putting that person before yourself. However, if you always put someone else first do you still love yourself? And if you don’t, then can you still love that other person?

                I’ve had my share of relationships but only one thing seems to be the common thread. They all end. Friends and boyfriends they seem to come and go. Boyfriends faster than friend but they all end at some point. But then again most of the guys I’ve dated I’ve been friend with first and how many of them am I still friends with? If you ask them, I think two of my exs would say we are still friends. But me? I would say zero. We’ll never be friends like we were before. I tried for a while to stay friends with them, fought for it, actually, but at some point you get too tired to fight especially when you are the only one fight for it. We fight for love – for this feeling no one knows how to describe, for this thing that is so uncertain we fight for it. All of us. In one way or another we fight for love, for uncertainties. But what happens when we can’t fight anymore? What happens when we are barely making it through life? Someone told me once when I was going through a tough time that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that I’ll make it through. And when things got worse that tunnel caved in. That person told me when that happened he was there to help me through it, to move the rocks aside to make a path for me, to help me see that light again at the end of the tunnel. Is that what everyone is searching for? Someone to help us through a cave in that is our life? Someone to fight for us when we can’t fight anymore?

                Love. we are all searching for it we are all fighting for it and we are all just trying to figure it out. Many of us want the love we see in the movies, the happy after ever and maybe at some point we will find that love. Until then we are stuck with the pain that searching, fighting and figuring it out causes. This is my story of love. My story of finding love and losing it, of coming so close and having it taken away, of thinking I found it but realizing it wasn’t and who knows maybe by the time I finish writing this I will have found that one love we are all searching for. The love that last.

Love Found then Lost

                The story actually starts with the guy who told me he would be there to help me during my cave-ins. I guess he didn’t realize at that time that he wouldn’t be around to help me with one of my biggest cave-ins. The one he would cause.

                James and my romantic relationship officially began February fourth 2009, our senior year of high school. However, that wasn’t the beginning. I believe that all throughout our friendship there was always something there but we never admitted it. Well, I never admitted it. He actually asked me out a couple times in high school. Even though I said no to him a couple times it didn’t seem like his feelings ever went away. However that didn’t mean he didn’t try to hide them. For a while I think he may have even buried them so deep that they were even hidden from himself. Maybe because his feelings were there for at least two years is what made me believe that they would always be there, that we could really make it. Maybe it was because when I turned him down in the past he didn’t let anything change between us. I don’t think that would be something easy to do. To have feelings for someone and watch them be happy with someone else and not let it affect your friendship. No I don’t believe that was easy for him at all and maybe because his feelings stay through all of that is why I thought we could make it through anything. Maybe it was his strong belief in us that caused me to sway away from what I had originally planned.

                While our story really begins when we met (which neither of us actually remember how we met) for time sake I’m going to skip to when I actually started to realize what my feelings for him were. It was around our senior Homecoming. At the time I was actually dating another guy, Shawn. Well I was more sneaking around with him. He was older and out of school and my parents wouldn’t allow me to see him. So when homecoming came along I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go but I didn’t want to go alone. That is probably about the time I remembered my good friend James.

                I got online soon after I got my idea, hoping he would be on for me to talk to him. I didn’t know how at the time but I knew somehow I was going to get this guy to go to homecoming with me.

Me: Hey!

James: Hey, Whats up?

Me: nothing much, just thinking about homecoming. You?

James: not much. What about homecoming?

Me: about how I have to go because of my sister but I don’t really want to because I have no one to go with

James: I’ll go with you

Me: really?

James: id absolutely love to go to homecoming with you, even just as friends

Me:  Thanks =D

James: How could I not go with someone as beautiful as you

Me: That’s sweet

James: What about Shawn

Me:  I’m technically not suppose to be dating him

James: oh well I guess I get the pretty girl for the night =)

                I don’t know if he knew it or not but I had the whole conservation planned out in my head. I had figured that if he wasn’t going with anyone already that he would offer to go with me. And whether I knew it at the time or not I was super excited about us going to homecoming together. I wasn’t exciting about telling my boyfriend that since he couldn’t take me to my homecoming that I got another guy to. Another guy who I knew had feelings for me. Let’s just say when I told Shawn, I left that out. So I was happy and actually excited and nervous about homecoming. That was until I got online the next day.

James: I don’t think we should go to homecoming together... and it’s absolutely nothing against you, but I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment

Me: oh

James: what do you think, cause I haven’t made up my mind yet so I wanna know what you think

Me: I think it would have been fun to go together but I understand if you cant

James: I have to think about it…

Me: ok just let me know what you decide

                I don’t think he knew how disappointed I was that he had said this. At the time I believed it was because I just didn’t want to go to homecoming alone. However now I believe it was because I didn’t want to go to homecoming without him, but I never would have admitted it at the time. So my disappointment turned to anger and I focused that anger on something else.

                Later that night, after I got home from work, I decided that I would see if my parents would let Shawn go with me to the dance. I figured I was almost 18 and he was only three years older than me, so my parents had to say yes.

                “Mom, can I talk to you?” I asked her after I had stalled for at least an hour.

                “Sure,” she replied.

                “I wanted to ask you if Shawn could go to homecoming with me,”

                “No,” she answered, she didn’t even take the time to think about it.

                “Why?” I asked unwilling to give up so easily. This is when a huge fight broke out between my mom and me. I didn’t understand how she could say no without even thinking about it. Of course I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t let me date him in the first place. To be perfectly honest I still don’t understand that.

                After a little bit of fighting I yelled, “I’m going to date him when I’m 18 whether you like it or not!” Then I got in my car and drove back to work, back to where Shawn was. Now I have never been very rebellious so leaving my house like I did wasn’t an easy thing to do. In fact sneaking around with Shawn was probably the worst thing I had ever done at that point in my life.

                When I got back home from crying to Shawn about what happened (which by the way isn’t something I do a lot, crying in front of other people, that is) my mom seemed to have a change of heart. She came in my room and found me sitting on my bed. She said, “He can go to homecoming with you, and we are going to allow you to see him but only here at the house until you graduate,”

                I nodded. I wasn’t going to fight what she said. I just got permission to take my boyfriend to homecoming and permission to date him all in one night. Granted we couldn’t go anywhere but my place but it was so much better then sneaking around. I figure I was graduating that year so I could live with the rules my parents had set down.

                Of course after all this happened James told me the next day that he would still go to homecoming with me, the irony of it all is that instead of having no one to go with I now had two guys that would go with me. I felt bad about it but I told James all that had happened the night before with my parent, and how they were going to let me go with Shawn. I felt bad about telling James this because I thought that maybe he had been just as excited as I was about going together. However I was with Shawn, since he was allowed to take me he would be my date. However I did try to make it up to James, by promising to save him one slow dance. This may have been the danced that changed everything.

                I had a great time that night with Shawn, but honestly all throughout the night the dance I had promised James was in the back of my mind. I was extremely nervous about this one simple slow dance with him that I almost broke my promise. I almost didn’t dance with him that night and maybe if I hadn’t then maybe whatever was triggered from that dance wouldn’t have been.

                I remember that moment perfectly, and if I close my eyes I can still picture it in my head like it was yesterday. I remember walking up behind him and seeing he was dancing with someone else. For a second I almost turned around, but I didn’t. Instead I took a deep breath walked right up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. I couldn’t tell you what was said from that point on I couldn’t remember because that wasn’t important at the time.  He stopped dancing with her probably said sorry or something like that, like I said I don’t remember what was said, I can’t even remember what song was playing. What I do remember is looking into his eyes and him looking back. I remember being unable to hold the gaze and glancing away, probably because of how nervous he was making me. I remember the way his hands felt on my waist and I remember how I didn’t want whatever song was playing to end. But it did and so did the dance and I went back to my date, my boyfriend. However from that point on there would be another guy that would be on my mind. A guy I would try my hardest for the nest couple months not to think about.

                After that day things started to get confusing. There was now this guy on my mind almost more than my actually boyfriend was. I didn’t know what to do about this. I didn’t want to keep thinking about him, not while I was dating Shawn. However I dint want to end things with him for at the time I believed we were in love. So when James came to me and told me that he chose me over another girl I didn’t know how to react. He told me that he was going to go out with another girl but realized he didn’t love her. He loved me. Part of me was ecstatic about hearing him say this, but I was with Shawn, and we were in love right. So I told him he was an idiot for choosing me, but he said he was willing to wait for me

However we continued to talk and continued to stay friends. That was until he decided he needed to move on. Then he started dating Brittany.

                “Do you think that it could be because he is dating Brittany?” May asked. May was one of my closest friends, and I talked to her about everything. During our senior year we didn’t get to see each other very much. So every Tuesday we would meet at school early and talk. So when my friendship with James started to change of course I talked to her about it.

                “What do you mean?” I asked

                “He’s had feelings for you for a long time, Lyra. Maybe them dating sort of created a wall between you two because he is afraid of those feelings coming back,” she explained.

                “That makes sense,” I replied. However not for the reason she had said. I realized in that moment that I was jealous. I didn’t like that he was dating someone, but this was something I thought I’d never admit. I thought what if Shawn was a part of that wall too, but what if I am the one that is putting the wall up, not James. It was at this point that I started to pull away from James even more. I wanted him to be happy so I didn’t want to somehow get in the way of him finding that happiness with Brittany. I started building the wall up higher.

                James and Brittany dated for a while until around the beginning of December. We still talked every now and then but I felt the distance between us. I don’t know if he ever did. So around the beginning of December I get an IM from him

James: No secrets right?

Me: Yeah

James: I think I made a mistake…

Me: what are you talking about?

James: I think I’m dating the wrong girl, She isn’t the one I should be with.

                Now I have to say when he said that my first thought was he still thinks he is supposed to be with me. He isn’t over me. And I was happy about this much happier about this then I should be since I was still with Shawn.

Me: oh?

James: I should be with Melissa

Me: oh

Me: you’re an idiot

James: ?

Me: I told you that when you pick me over her, told you then you were and idiot and I’m telling you now =P

                Only that wasn’t what was going through my head. Yes. I was glad he was going to finally be with Melissa. They were a lot alike and I figured they would be really happy together. I got mad at myself for thinking that he wasn’t over me and I got mad that I was happy about that. It was at this point in time that I decided for the first I would try to pull out of his life completely. I wanted him to be happy and thought this was the best way. When he heard he didn’t like it, not one bit. In fact he tried he’s best to fight it. One day I got a letter on myspace pretty much explaining why it was a dumb idea

                It worked for a few days I didn’t talk to him and I went out of my way to make sure I wouldn’t see him at school. It wasn’t easy for me, which probably explains why it didn’t last long. One day I was leaving school late for my internship. This was of course done on purpose because James was suppose to be in class at that time so this was no chance I would run into him. But that wasn’t the case. Just as I open the door to leave he comes walking through the other one. I knew after I saw him I wasn’t going to be able to stay away. I tried for a little long but it didn’t last long.

                Soon after I started talking to him again I realized a huge part of the reason I pulled away in the first place

Me: I have issues trusting people…

James: I don’t understand. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?

Me: No its just… I’ve been hurt so many times by people I am close to. So it seems like the closer I get the more I push away from people. It scares me being around you because for some how you see through my walls… you know when somethings wrong… I cant hide from you and that scares me.

James: oh

Me: … its like I’m a puzzle with missing pieces. Pieces I don’t want to give up to other people…

Me: I know now I need to work on my issue…

                James agreed to help me with my issue of trusting people. So soon after that conversation I went out and bought a Curious George puzzle. He would start out with a few of the pieces and then the more I trusted him the more pieces he would get. This was there to sort of help me stick with working through my problems. Every time I gave him another pieces I felt good about myself.

                After a while a started thinking about James even more then I did before. In fact in my journal I started writing more about James then I did my own boyfriend. I guess I just didn’t have anything to say about Shawn. It actually got to the point where I started going into the past and write about things that happened already between me and Shawn because I was starting to feel guilty about how much James was on my mind. However the less I tried not to think about James the more I did

      

December 3^rd 2008

“Is it normal for me to always have one guy on my mind but love another… is it possible that the guy I cant stop thinking about is the guy I love or could I love them both? I can’t see myself with James but can I see myself with Shawn…?”

                For a while things between me and James were good. We were just friends and that was what I wanted. I knew deep down there were other feelings there for him but there was no way I would admit it. The thought of being anything more with him scared me. It wasn’t until January 6^th 2009 did I realize just how important he was to me

                That was the day I got into my first accident. The first person I texted after things calmed down on the site was James. He was the one I wanted to be there with me. My dad was going to let me stay home from school that day but I wanted to go. Partly because if I went home I would just keep thinking about it but mainly because I wanted, no I needed to see James.

                I made it through that day at school but when it came time to go to sleep I couldn’t keep my eyes closed. I kept seeing the accident over and over again in my mind. So I remembered that James had told me I could always come to him if something was wrong no matter what time it was. So I decided to text him.

                “I can’t sleep,” I texted him

                “What’s up?” he replied

                “It’s the accident. I just keep replaying it in my head. I keep thinking what I could have done differently so that none of this would happen.”

                “You can’t change the past Lyra.”

                “Doesn’t stop me from wishing I could… I feel like I can’t breathe.”

                “Just talk to me Lyra, let it all out,”

                It was at this point that I started crying, I let everything out. Everything that I had been holding in during the day I let out. I felt terrible for what I did and I wished I could fix it, “I feel like everything is falling apart.”

                “It’s going to be ok, Lyra. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You’re going to make it through this. All tunnels have an end.”

                “Not if the tunnel caves in…”

                “That why I am here. I’m holding it up and finding new paths and short cuts for you. So you can see the light again and make it out,”

                “That’s really sweet,” I replied, “But it isn’t helping me sleep.”

                “Well then just pretend that I am there with you comforting you.”

                “Reminds me of the song ‘Arms of an Angel.”

                “I would gladly being your angel, Lyra.”

“You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here”

- Sarah Mclachlan - Arms Of An Angel

                Two day later, Shawn and I broke up. Not a huge surprise, but I still refused to admit it had anything to do with James. However, James and I continued to get closer and closer. He had always told me that he was like an open book and would tell me anything. So to prove this we started something else. I bought him a journal and he was just supposed to write about himself. I gave him a few questions to starts and he was to write whatever came to mind.

                By the middle of January I finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for James, but I still refused to let anything happen between us. This time my reasons were, our different beliefs, and also I was afraid if we started something at that point that it would mess up the chance of us being together in the future. However there was just so much between is that I seemed like we were really meant to be together. Looking back sometimes I wish I had listened to my head instead of my heart.